Past catching up to the present

Even in 1960 my displeasure with winter was obvious. Didn't like it in Brooklyn, where this picture of me was taken. Didn't like it when my family moved to Long Island. And didn't like it while in high school in Rockland County, N.Y. No wonder I ended up going to college in southern Virginia. Winters are milder there, but still not mild enough for me. I recall being in shock the first time it snowed. The usually green campus was pretty in white but my anxiety rose with each inch of the fallen flaky stuff.

My first choice of colleges was the University of South Florida in Tampa. However, due to not being the best of test-takers, I screwed up my SATs and ended up in Lynchburg, Va. I have no regrets. Lynchburg College was a fine liberal arts school in a very scenic area of the state. In some ways, I wish I could have settled down there after graduation. Instead, I went on journalism career-driven romp up and down the East Coast before eventually coming back to Virginia in the mid-1990s.

As I look out over the gray, northern Virginia sky today, I wonder what course life would have taken if I would have ended up in Florida in 1979 -- what relationships would have been forged, what career would I have chosen, etc. One wonders about the road not taken when the current path seems to have led to a dead end. The winter slows everything down, allowing for the past to catch up to the present.

Of course, it's impossible to say things would have been better or significantly different -- that I would have become a physical education teacher (my original career goal) if I went to Tampa, or played in a great rock 'n' roll band (my first love). I might have gotten swallowed by a shark in the Gulf of Mexico at the age of 19 or been flattened on the streets of St. Petersburg by a runaway Buick driven by an infamous "blue-hair" with over-sized sunglasses. I might have eventually ventured back north, just to test my tolerance for winter or for nostalgic reasons, only to perish in a frozen park lake.

Still, it's interesting to consider what better things might have happened with a left turn at the intersection instead of a right. Unfortunately, when you're making those life-charting decisions at 18 you really don't have enough data or a crystal ball to choose the best course. Who would have thought in 1980 that newspapers would be dying because of a thing called the Internet and that seasoned journalists, such as myself, would be scrambling for jobs in 2009? Who would admit at 20 years old that they really don't know themselves yet or that they might be forced to reinvent themselves later in life when most folks are beginning to look forward to retirement? While I do know of a few people who knew exactly what they wanted from life early on, and made their visions into reality, I think most of us just stumble around, bumping into furniture as we go. The key is to try not to fall down the stairs.

The biggest challenge for me this winter will be in dealing with the unknown for the second year in a row. I still feel disoriented from the events of last year. The cold and dark days makes navigation more difficult. There is something about sunlight and warmth that makes impossible things seem possible. Maybe it's just an illusion, but it's a good illusion.

We've already had our first significant snowfall in the D.C. area. Luckily, we don't get the amount of snowfall that places like New York and Boston do. I am keeping my fingers crossed that good things can happen in the winter months. Maybe it will change my perspective on this time of year. Maybe the apparent dead end up ahead is just a dark tunnel across the harbor's icy waters. Perhaps there is light on the other side, even in the winter.