Betrayal is one of the most difficult things for human beings to deal with. It comes in all forms and levels of intensity. Those who feel betrayed tend to react in a variety of ways. Logic doesn't always play a part in those reactions.Take the NBC mess involving late-night television hosts Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno. It appears from his comments that O'Brien feels betrayed by the network wanting to move his show to midnight in order to accommodate Leno going back to the 11:35 p.m. slot. Yet, some people might wonder why O'Brien is so upset. He stands to earn millions of dollars in this programming debacle. If O'Brien leaves the network, he's much more likely to land on his feet than the average employee who is shown the door at the factory he or she worked at for two or three decades. Shouldn't the financial safety net and the fact NBC still wants O'Brien to do a show cancel out any sense of pain and betrayal that O'Brien is feeling?
Apparently not. Emotions are boiling over.
When someone is rejected, deceived or betrayed by a person or entity they trusted, the pain can be profound. We think we know people, then suddenly something happens where perceptions are severely altered. Money doesn't seem to take the edge off of the perceived negative actions taken against someone. I am fairly certain wealth didn't ease the anger in the wife of Tiger Woods recently.
Classic movies such as The Godfather II center on the act of betrayal. And in the movies, as in real life at times, betrayal can have devastating consequences. Poor Fredo. Didn't even see it coming.
Not all betrayals start or end with a Michael Corleone-ordered bullet from behind. We are all betrayed in small ways each and every day by friends, employers and the government. The level of malice and intent vary, but the result is disorientating at best. Our sense of the folks we previously thought we knew is shaken to the core by a disturbing revelation. We wonder how we could have been so wrong in our prior assessments of something or someone, or how that person could be so mean or lack empathy. It's not uncommon to then reflect upon ourselves. What red flags didn't we see in a person or situation we got involved with?
Trust in others becomes a bit more difficult as we move along through life, particularly for those who have been betrayed more than a few times. In highly competitive businesses, I am sure betrayal is as common as pink slips. Just the simple act of office gossip can destroy trust, particularly when reputations are ruined. If it goes unchecked, entire office environments can become toxic. The same path to personal and institutional destruction can been found on sports teams, rock 'n' roll bands and families, where inevitably someone has been outed or done wrong.
Knowing who your enemies are can help you navigate away around conflicts and avoid feeling betrayed. Unfortunately, we don't always see the snake in the grass. It appears O'Brien, like millions of other people, got bit and wasn't going to be given the time he thought he should have to succeed. NBC is a major company. Empathy and patience aren't usually traits associated with large corporations. In fact, the lack of empathy, even in individuals, seems to be on the rise.
When the truth surfaces about a person who we previously thought to be in our corner, the pain can feel like a knife in the back, particularly when livelihoods and relationships are involved. Yet, I think as much as we all are the victims of betrayal at times, we also have been the cause of others feeling slighted. We might not have known we were betraying a trust. Maybe we didn't do it in a direct or malicious way, but the damage is often the same regardless of approach or who exactly was holding the knife. Sometimes we sense regret and can make up for our indiscretions, while other times it's simply too late.
I understand O'Brien's feelings. Just as I think Jim Zorn probably felt betrayed by what was going on in the front office and with his own coaches in his final days as coach of the Washington Redskins, O'Brien probably feels abandoned by his employer and perhaps even some people he considered friends. Sometimes we can't address our disappointments for various reasons, but it doesn't mean the act of betrayal did not occur. O'Brien has a public stage to voice his displeasure but needs to tread carefully as he tries to restore his pride. One of the best ways to confront betrayal is to rise above it.
