"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
--E. M. Forster
In the last three years alone, I can point to numerous examples of people arriving at places in their lives that were totally unexpected. The recession drove people like me -- former newspaper journalists -- out of a dying occupation. Some got out while the getting was good, taking buyouts and other incentive packages from large media companies like Gannett Inc. Thousands of others became layoff victims through no fault of their own. Very few of us had any plans related to what we would do next. As the recession dragged on, the anxiety increased.
Some of us are getting by, and some aren't. A rare few are doing better than ever. Many are in limbo, piecing together some sort of existence through odd jobs, freelance work or contract positions. I know of people who are glad to be out of the newspaper business, which was always a hard life with late hours and other tough demands. However, no matter how bad those hours were, and no matter how much we knew the constant pressure from deadlines and dysfunctional newsrooms were horrible for our health, there are probably very few of us who would have left that world on our own. A paycheck and familiar skill set that provide some sort of comfort aren't easy to walk away from, especially with double-digit unemployment and age discrimination running rampant throughout our society.
The paths in and out of our careers take a significant toll on our mindsets as well as our bank accounts. Yet, there are worse things than losing jobs or starting over in new fields at half the pay. I believe our lives are altered in ways that we can't even imagine, influenced by big and small events. There is almost always something new to contend with or celebrate.
Some events are tragic. Suddenly we're alone in the world because of the loss of parents or a sibling or a spouse. Or perhaps we lose our ability to walk because of disease. Or our faith is shattered by one too many personal setbacks. Where those losses take us seems somewhat dependent on our resiliency, but there is also a randomness to it that has nothing to do with our character or ability to get back on that proverbial horse.
There is also a vague feeling that there are clues all around us as to what we should do, where to go next, how to survive and maybe eventually thrive. Why some people find those clues while others resign themselves to living out their lives in a dark corner is a mystery. It's not simply a matter of tough-mindedness that determines who rebounds and who doesn't. Life isn't a basketball game. You can't always will yourself to victory or happiness, regardless of what some successful people claim. I certainly don't feel particularly tough, yet I've come back from a number of personal setbacks -- setbacks so severe that it felt a lot easier to give up than to get up. I suppose most people have been at the crossroads at some point in their lives.
Where you land, how you cope with your new realities appears to be predetermined to some degree. You can potentially pave the way to that new place by getting an education or knowing the right people or seeking counseling or spiritual guidance, but that doesn't mean you will get to where you are meant to be. Something else is often at work. Something outside of ourselves. The fortunate ones do seem to get to that place, but I believe most of us fall a bit short, which is why we probably need more than one lifetime to complete our journeys. Of all the people I know, there is only one or two, who if pressed, could say they are truly at peace and in a place where they belong. Loving your career or your family doesn't necessarily mean you're in balance. Acceptance of the other stuff -- the not-so-obvious things that challenge us all -- is what completes the circle. To get to that place, it seems voluntary or involuntary sacrifice is often required.
Even when we're not willing to let go, it seems that something comes along to force us to abandon our plans in order for us to move closer to our true destinations. The cosmic script must be followed or we begin to feel disorientated or frustrated. But how do we find that script? Is the final chapter always a happy one? How do we know when a wrong choice or bad luck is nothing more than that? How do we know if that choice was truly ours?
I guess if we knew that our lives were predetermined we could all relax a bit. Whether you get cancer or not may be somewhat influenced by lifestyle, but perhaps not as much as we think. What state we live in or profession we pursue isn't so much a choice as it is a process of following the clues that either are forced upon us or that gently sweep into our lives in a way that often seem like pure luck or bad misfortune, but are neither.
In hard times, we tend to look for answers to profound questions. We want to escape the pain. We want things (the economy, job market, our standard of living) to return to pre-2008 levels, even though most economists are now saying things will never be the same. We want one more conversation with a brother, sister or friend suddenly lost in an accident, even though we know that's not possible. We need to let go so that we can continue our journeys, yet is there anything more difficult than true acceptance or bold change?
The last three years have been harder than the previous three decades for many Americans. Some experts in the mental health or social services fields say that our collective spirit has been broken by job losses, wars and an inability to pull together even on issues we should all be in agreement on. Perhaps the harder we try to extricate ourselves from the traps we've gotten entangled in, the more the traps tighten. Maybe the way out of this mess is to let go, to put aside our preconceived notions and to allow things to flow or play out in a more natural way.
