A Larry King-like post

Larry King of CNN wrote weekly columns for USA Today at one point during his career. The columns consisted mostly of a string of unrelated, brief statements and opinions. The columns were mocked by various folks for being shallow. Running the risk of being equally shallow, here are some random thoughts of my own.

I am tired of television news reporters, with zero authority, telling me to stay off the road when it snows or to remain indoors on hot, humid days... If every study imaginable has proven that talking on a cellphone impairs drivers much the way being intoxicated does, it seems beyond obnoxious that so many people continue to do yack away behind the wheel... Bruce Allen, the new GM for the Redskins, has nothing on his resume that tells me he's a winner, despite what team owner, "The Dan," was selling us last week about his new hire... Air conditioning and light bulbs remain the best inventions ever...

Ninety-five percent of what is on television is unwatchable... There is only one "LT" in pro football and that is/was Lawrence Taylor... Former NFL coach, Jon Gruden, praises everyone, which makes him a terribly boring color commentator on Monday Night Football broadcasts... Our country hasn't learned a thing from this recession... Americans and the media place way too much importance on the office of president and don't pay enough attention to the people who really call the shots... I recall my favorite beer being whatever was on sale... Key West was very cool before it became trendy and filled with condos and cruise ships...

Glenn Beck isn't the answer... The best food and comedians come from New York... I hope Tiger Woods stays out of the limelight for the rest of my life... Radio is better than TV... If we really wanted to win the war in Afghanistan, we could do it in about a week... It's difficult for me to pray when I have no idea if anyone is listening... Chocolate ice cream sodas from Carvel are a great childhood memory... I don't get people who say they have no regrets... Seafood should be eaten near the water... Of the 10 neighbors who live closest to me, only four consider English their first language... Ray Romano should be getting better parts in movies...

1992-93 was the worst time in my life; 2008-09 is now officially second... I am in awe of how big and complex the universe is... If it has eyes and cares for its young, we probably shouldn't be eating it... See the movie Idiocracy because, as silly as it might seem, I believe it's a window into the future... Grown men wearing backpacks to work looks silly, particularly in white-collar office environments... Consensus doesn't always yield the best results... Grocery stores are getting too big and take up too much of my time... Something about Madonna's "Tell Me" video still appeals to me, though not much else grabs me about the pop star... The Shining is the best horror film ever made and includes Jack Nicholson's finest performance...

Sean Hannity plays the same tune over and over, yet people continue to listen/watch... The two-party political system doesn't work for us anymore... Anything that gets too big and successful inevitably fails... My pre-season Super Bowl picks (Giants vs. Ravens) aren't looking so good but aren't dead yet... Everyone agrees that the movie Office Space accurately depicts the absurdity of the workplace, yet we continue to accept all the occupational lunacy and cliches in real life...

Seems criminal that trans fat should still exist in any food product... I confess that I am rooting for Brett Favre simply because he's old... Sadly, friendships feel more like rentals than keepsakes... I miss real diners... I discover more clues about the nature of life and death as I get older, yet also have many more questions... Regardless of one's hands-on skills, education level or title, not everyone is suited to manage or lead others... Howard Cosell was right about many things, including the decline of broadcast journalism...

I am drawn to the lights and colors of Christmas but not the materialism... Charlie Brown and Looney Tunes cartoons still hold up very well today... There are too many flavors of almost everything from cheese cake to ice cream, and not enough quality in anything... Smarter phones will put the nail in the coffin of face-to-face, meaningful communications... The only sequel that was equal to if not better than the first movie was Godfather II... An inordinate number of parents these days call their young sons, "buddy"... Why hasn't there been a million-man march on Washington related to unemployment...?

Greed is the root cause of almost every societal problem, yet we continue to focus on the symptoms rather than the cause... Listening to a single song can change my outlook on things, at least for the moment, unlike anything else... I can't get through a week without hearing something about Sarah Palin and marvel at how someone so intellectually vacant might become president... There are some very smart people in the world who claim cures for most cancers would have been discovered by now if not for the misappropriation of funds for research...

I recall a time when it was common knowledge that the left lane was for passing... I kind of like Sen. Joe Lieberman's unwillingness to follow the herd... If money were no object, I'd probably live in Santa Barbara or the Florida Keys... Listening to Frank Sinatra while having a nice dinner in either Baltimore or New York's "Little Italy" is a good way for me to reconnect to certain parts of past... Coffee shops should ban notebook computers, phones and children, and promote reading, conversation and the arts... Sunday Night Football on NBC is a solid broadcast from start to finish...

No more houses should be built until the ones for sale are sold... Let's give a tax break to businesses that hire folks... According to a recent study, Florida is the third happiest state; Virginia and Maryland weren't even in the top 20... Hard to believe that much of the Washington-area will be closed this week as a result of the weekend snowstorm... Would Jimi Hendrix still be playing if he were alive today, or would he have taken the Grace Slick route and bowed out before he got too old...?

Rediscovering TV in tough times

I never watched much television until I got laid off. Other than a couple HBO shows and New York Yankee games, I didn't really like much of anything else I saw on the tube in recent years. Even the news broadcasts seemed more like bad entertainment than legitimate reporting. Television, I thought, would turn my mind to mush. With the challenges I had at work, there was no reason to risk losing a few million more brain cells while watching American Idol.

Of course, much has changed in the nine months since I was let go from USA TODAY by my former boss, Richard Curtis. Curtis was one of the founders of USA TODAY. In a maddening turn of events, he retired within a few short weeks after ending my career in McLean, Va.

My days now consist of eating, sleeping, job searching and watching TV. Oh sure, I dabble in playing music, sitting in with other weekend-warrior musicians now and then, or strumming my guitar alone in my home. I take walks on occasion to clear my mind, but often find that fresh air causes me to over-think. REM sleep seems to produce that same result. But mostly, I am in a routine. A routine that is easy on the budget but not very invigorating. Hanging with the cat is quaint, and I am sure he appreciates the company, but I believe humans need a bit more from life.

I have turned to TV in the evenings. While I worked nights for most of my career, I now melt into the couch each evening, my wife to my left, the remote to my right. I try to tune out the problems and worries of another unemployed day. I immerse myself in CSI Miami, a show I first discovered around Christmas time, shortly after being laid off. The visuals warmed me during the cold, dark months. Scenes of green palms and sparking tides brought me back to my old stomping grounds in South Florida. A simpler and more hopeful time. When you're 20something, everything is in front of you. Doors tend to be a bit more open.

OK, CSI Miami isn't art. But "H"is a cool cat, a man's man with a touch of New Age values. Calleigh knows how to wear a holstered gun and Eric, in real life, went to my high school in a town 30 miles north of New York City.

I watch another show, Family Guy. My former youthful assistant, Veronica Salazar, actually was the first person to make me aware of the racy cartoon. She had character dolls from the show on her desk. She raved about the sitcom. I had no interest in ever seeing it, figuring I wouldn't enjoy something that a 25-year-old embraces so dearly. As it turns out, however, the show is smart, often disgustingly funny, and covers a wide range of social and cultural comedy and commentary that requires one to be at least 40 years old to fully appreciate. For me, it doesn't get any better than Stewie!

Turns out TV can be an escape and not just an annoyance. DVRs have taken care of having to endure the flood of bad commercials, but I am still cautious with what I sample and what I avoid in prime-time programming. TV is cheap and accessible. Those are good things when one is juggling a budget on less than half the income from just a year ago.

Still, TV can be a trap. I won't turn it on before a certain hour. I won't become a rabid fan of True Blood or take Larry King seriously. CNN and FOX News are unwatchable. I found it ironic that every one of the talking heads for various newscasts praised Walter Cronkite after his death. But they themselves, and the way they approach the news, couldn't be any further away from Cronkite's approach.

TV is in many ways still a vast wasteland. But I do have a new appreciation for what TV can do for people in certain situations or at various stages of life. Yes, there are healthier ways to free the mind and grow the soul. There is yoga, the cure-all to everything. And life itself is in high definition, so running out to get the latest flat-screen technology in a constant quest to improve viewing is sort of ironic. Look out your window. That's HD.

When I return to work, I will have something more to talk about around the water cooler. Something other than cutbacks and the various dysfunctions that occur in every office. I can talk about Stewie's antics and whether or not Eric will turn up alive in the next season of CSI Miami.

Always a silver lining...