Letting go might be the answer

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
 --E. M. Forster


In the last three years alone, I can point to numerous examples of people arriving at places in their lives that were totally unexpected. The recession drove people like me -- former newspaper journalists -- out of a dying occupation. Some got out while the getting was good, taking buyouts and other incentive packages from large media companies like Gannett Inc. Thousands of others became layoff victims through no fault of their own. Very few of us had any plans related to what we would do next. As the recession dragged on, the anxiety increased.


Some of us are getting by, and some aren't. A rare few are doing better than ever. Many are in limbo, piecing together some sort of existence through odd jobs, freelance work or contract positions. I know of people who are glad to be out of the newspaper business, which was always a hard life with late hours and other tough demands. However, no matter how bad those hours were, and no matter how much we knew the constant pressure from deadlines and dysfunctional newsrooms were horrible for our health, there are probably very few of us who would have left that world on our own. A paycheck and familiar skill set that provide some sort of comfort aren't easy to walk away from, especially with double-digit unemployment and age discrimination running rampant throughout our society.


The paths in and out of our careers take a significant toll on our mindsets as well as our bank accounts. Yet, there are worse things than losing jobs or starting over in new fields at half the pay. I believe our lives are altered in ways that we can't even imagine, influenced by big and small events. There is almost always something new to contend with or celebrate.


Some events are tragic. Suddenly we're alone in the world because of the loss of parents or a sibling or a spouse. Or perhaps we lose our ability to walk because of disease. Or our faith is shattered by one too many personal setbacks. Where those losses take us seems somewhat dependent on our resiliency, but there is also a randomness to it that has nothing to do with our character or ability to get back on that proverbial horse.


There is also a vague feeling that there are clues all around us as to what we should do, where to go next, how to survive and maybe eventually thrive. Why some people find those clues while others resign themselves to living out their lives in a dark corner is a mystery. It's not simply a matter of tough-mindedness that determines who rebounds and who doesn't. Life isn't a basketball game. You can't always will yourself to victory or happiness, regardless of what some successful people claim. I certainly don't feel particularly tough, yet I've come back from a number of personal setbacks -- setbacks so severe that it felt a lot easier to give up than to get up. I suppose most people have been at the crossroads at some point in their lives.


Where you land, how you cope with your new realities appears to be predetermined to some degree. You can potentially pave the way to that new place by getting an education or knowing the right people or seeking counseling or spiritual guidance, but that doesn't mean you will get to where you are meant to be. Something else is often at work. Something outside of ourselves. The fortunate ones do seem to get to that place,  but I believe most of us fall a bit short, which is why we probably need more than one lifetime to complete our journeys. Of all the people I know, there is only one or two, who if pressed, could say they are truly at peace and in a place where they belong. Loving your career or your family doesn't necessarily mean you're in balance. Acceptance of the other stuff -- the not-so-obvious things that challenge us all -- is what completes the circle. To get to that place, it seems voluntary or involuntary sacrifice is often required.


Even when we're not willing to let go, it seems that something comes along to force us to abandon our plans in order for us to move closer to our true destinations. The cosmic script must be followed or we begin to feel disorientated or frustrated. But how do we find that script? Is the final chapter always a happy one? How do we know when a wrong choice or bad luck is nothing more than that? How do we know if that choice was truly ours?


I guess if we knew that our lives were predetermined we could all relax a bit. Whether you get cancer or not may be somewhat influenced by lifestyle, but perhaps not as much as we think. What state we live in or profession we pursue isn't so much a choice as it is a process of following the clues that either are forced upon us or that gently sweep into our lives in a way that often seem like pure luck or bad misfortune, but are neither.


In hard times, we tend to look for answers to profound questions. We want to escape the pain. We want things (the economy, job market, our standard of living) to return to pre-2008 levels, even though most economists are now saying things will never be the same. We want one more conversation with a brother, sister or friend suddenly lost in an accident, even though we know that's not possible. We need to let go so that we can continue our journeys, yet is there anything more difficult than true acceptance or bold change?


The last three years have been harder than the previous three decades for many Americans. Some experts in the mental health or social services fields say that our collective spirit has been broken by job losses, wars and an inability to pull together even on issues we should all be in agreement on. Perhaps the harder we try to extricate ourselves from the traps we've gotten entangled in, the more the traps tighten. Maybe the way out of this mess is to let go, to put aside our preconceived notions and to allow things to flow or play out in a more natural way.

American aristocracy's stranglehold

"I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country."

- Thomas Jefferson, America's third president

Today is Thomas Jefferson's birthday. The above quotation has a permanent home on right-hand column of this blog's home page.

Unfortunately, we didn't heed Jefferson's warnings about corporations running the government. Not only did we give birth to an aristocracy, but that segment of society is all grown up now and creating havoc for the rest of us at a time when we desperately need to pull together.

In one corner are the lobbyists, the big corporations sitting on piles of cash demanding more tax breaks, and the politicians (mostly Republicans) who shake in their boots every time an obscenely overpaid CEO makes a threat. In the other corner are the rest of us -- folks without a whole lot of power just trying to get by, hoping that the worst corporations won't pollute our backyards, poison our foods or steal our retirement funds. If we're nice to them, maybe they'll throw us a bone and create a few low-wage jobs They have the funds to do better but won't, which is why no one should believe that cutting corporate taxes helps create jobs.

It doesn't take a liberal to charge what many large corporations prove every day, that hoarding profits is more appealing than expanding the payroll. So if these employers aren't creating much-needed jobs, why would we continue to give them tax relief? And if you think that new jobs aren't needed at many companies, ask any regular Joe or Jane employed in an office that has been devastated by layoffs whether they could use some extra help. The need is there, the business is there, but the will of the greediest executives isn't.

Not only have the corporations challenged the government, but they are the government. They have thousands of lobbyists twisting arms on Capitol Hill and even more lawyers finding tax and other legal loopholes so that they can make more money that they are becoming less willing to share or reinvest.

What do the rest of us have? One vote each and a political/social gullibility that is allowing for what Jefferson feared. We don't need a Tea Party. We need a Wake Up and Smell the Coffee Party.

The ones getting crushed by the modern-day Republicans and large corporations are the middle and lower classes, students, seniors and folks with serious illnesses. The Republicans hitched their wagons to the corporations and together sold middle America (and Fox News) on the idea that somehow they were on our side, even though they want to rob us of everything we've worked for in our lifetimes. While this new breed of CEO/Republican is despicable, our supporting and electing these aristocrats is totally on us. They can't do what they do if we don't buy into it.

On this 150th anniversary of the Civil War, I wonder if we're heading for class warfare. You see, the rich corporations and extreme right-wingers aren't just after our money. They want to change the entire social agenda of America and get rid of anyone who doesn't look or act like them. They want to be free to pollute in the name of doing business. They don't want to pay a dime for a new road or a new school unless it directly benefits them or their companies. They want to separate themselves from street crime but are perfectly willing to commit more damaging white-collar crime at every opportunity they get. Their silver-spooned vision for America is one that probably has all of our founding fathers stirring in their graves.

As President Obama has learned, it is hard to fight the good fight when the opposition has the resources of corporate America behind it -- the same corporate America that shipped our jobs overseas and needlessly laid off more employees than it had to during the Great Recession. If citizens are going to continue to believe in trickle-down fairy tales and other flag-waving failed theories, then I fear we are done as a just and compassionate nation. When we lose our soul, we will lose our freedom and prosperity.

While liberals have often erred on the side of throwing too much money at social problems, new conservatives are shoveling money at corporations and saying, "Here, you guys lead us back to the mountaintop." Well, that is not what corporations do in 2011. Corporate prosperity and societal prosperity are two different things now. We've lost the balance between the two because the government, including some Democrats, have placed too much trust in businesses that are only concerned about their own bottom lines and executive bonuses. What is good for GM or a publishing giant like Gannett (my former employer) is not necessarily good for America. All the bailouts and profits have not put much of a dent in unemployment. The lack of taxes being paid by companies like General Electric or the government subsidizing of the oil industry are simply mind-boggling.

You can disagree with what I believe, but you can't ignore the fact that the rich are getting richer and the poor and middle class are getting poorer. Who is to share the blame for that seems rather obvious to me. On this birthday of one of our wisest, visionary founding fathers, and with all the political smoke-and-mirror games being played today, take a long look at those words above and then tell me that Jefferson wasn't spot on with his concern about excessive corporate intrusions.

Former colleagues facing possible layoffs, other changes

There is news brewing at my old stomping grounds. It isn't encouraging.

Changes are coming to USA Today. With those content and/or operational changes will be probable layoffs, perhaps as early as this summer. This would be the third round of involuntarily layoffs. The national newspaper also had a round of "voluntary" buyouts. The newsroom has been hit particularly hard, with a lot of the people who built the newspaper now long gone.

John K. Hartman, a professor of journalism at Central Michigan University and author of two books about USA Today believes he has some ideas (not ones I necessarily agree with) to help fix USA Today. In an opinion piece in a journalism publication, Hartman also brings up the possibility of the flagship paper offering transfers of laid off employees to other newspapers within the Gannett chain. This would surprise me. Not because it isn't a logical idea, but because transfers weren't an option in any of the previous rounds of buyouts and layoffs. If they were, a lot of highly qualified ex-USAT'ers might be working in Melbourne, Fla., Westchester, N.Y. or Phoenix, Ariz., right now.

I feel for my former colleagues who are under another potential threat, particularly the seasoned journalists who might have an especially hard time finding work if they are let go. While many newspapers are beginning to slowly rebound, others are still struggling.

Read the Hartman article.

Reflecting back while looking forward

In 1994, after less than a year at The Associated Press in New York City, I was selected to go to Atlanta to cover the Super Bowl between the Buffalo Bills and Dallas Cowboys. It was quite an honor, especially considering there were far more experienced editors at AP than me at that time. I was so proud of being chosen that I kept my press pass for all of these years.

Even after I left the AP, I was contacted about a year later and asked if I wanted to return. I was flattered. They were offering me a better job than the one I had before. I declined for personal reasons. Soon after, I went to work at USA Today in Northern Virginia -- one of my favorite newspapers in those days. After hopping around a lot for the first 15 years of my career, I figured USA Today could be my last stop -- one of those places one goes to where they earn their gold watch after a quarter of a decade of service. I got my five and 10-year anniversary awards, but fell far short of 25 years.

Career moves came easily for me back then. In my first job out of college, I was promoted into a managerial editing position within my first six months. I was soon on a track to become a publisher in a small chain of newspapers, but I decided I wanted to live in Florida more than I wanted to be a publisher in Virginia. So after a short stint on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, I got a job as sports editor at a small paper south of Miami. I covered the Miami Dolphins and Hurricanes as well as the high school sports scene and professional boxing. Those were good years. Not much pay, but a lot of fun.

It never took me more than a few weeks to find a new job when I was younger. Sometimes they were marginally better jobs, sometimes they were significant leaps. It didn't dawn on me that I would be without work. I was fairly versatile and had a good work ethic that my bosses always seemed to appreciate. And it certainly never crossed my mind that I would be laid off.

Then on December 2008, as readers of this blog know, I was was laid off from USA Today after working there for 13 years. That was quite a shock.

The real harsh surprise for me came in the months following my layoff, when I began to search for work and encountered walls that were never there earlier in my career. I turned to friends and former colleagues, seeing if they could help. This was always a good method of finding work in the past, but not now. The recession wasn't helping, but there also seemed to be other forces working against me. The newspaper business began crumbling. A couple potential employers shockingly held it against me that I had worked at USA Today for so long. The national newspaper and parent company that owns it aren't well-liked within the industry for various reasons. It was guilt by association.

My early days at USA Today were filled with fancy office parties, views of Washington, D.C. from our windows and a pretty good newsroom staff. It was always tough work, but as a third-generation journalist, I was accustomed to the late hours, deadlines and contentious nature of the newsroom.

Here is a picture of me (left) at my first USA Today Christmas party in 1995 with two of my former colleagues who are still at the newspaper -- Dash Parham and Dave Merrill. These parties were very extravagant. The paper was doing well. The booze flowed. The shrimp were large. If you worked in journalism, it was a good place to be. Lots of resources. In fact, USA Today's parent company, Gannett, more or less had a hands-off policy when it came to its flagship newspaper. We enjoyed our independence and did good work. Eventually, Gannett got more involved with USA Today, which led to layoffs at the newspaper most people thought was immune. Read about the bonuses received after those record layoffs.

A lot has changed in the news business and my own career since the mid-1990s when that picture was taken. Essentially, I don't have a career right now. While I feel far from obsolete or incapable, I can't deny that finding work at this age is far different than finding work at 30 years old. There are days when I think back to how easily things flowed, the people I have met, the places I've been. And yet, things are so different now that it often takes my breath away how quickly one can go from cruising along in a modest career to ... well, I will let you fill in the blank.

One of the many lessons that I have learned from this is to never take anything for granted -- not even your own abilities. There is always something lurking out there somewhere waiting to take you down. If it's not a layoff, then it could be an illness. If it's not an illness, it could something else. So it's good to treasure what you have and not get too caught up in the little difficulties of a career, relationships or just everyday life, because when it's prematurely gone, it's awfully hard to rebuild.

Whether or not I get another shot remains to be seen. Whether I work inside or outside of the media, my batteries are recharged. I have a new perspective on work and life. I believe I have more to offer to an employer now than I did when I got laid off. Finding that right fit isn't going to be easy, but if I do I know that the latter years of my career probably will surpass the early days in some profound ways. Job satisfaction, I suspect, will come from other sources that don't necessarily include fat paychecks, free Heinekens and trips to the Super Bowl.

Journalists struggling to survive

Gannett, the publisher of USA Today (my former employer) and dozens of other newspapers, shed 8,100 jobs since 2007, according to Gannett Blog, which is published by a former employee, Jim Hopkins. The blog apparently has a large following and is worth a look for anyone interested in the media business.

That 8,100 number surprised me. It's about twice as many job losses as I previously thought. Read about it here.

Pictured at the top of this post are Gannett headquarters and USA Today in McLean, Va. -- two towers joined by one of the largest lobbies you will ever see in an office building. The pricey complex in a high-end part of Fairfax County is relatively new. Some refer to it as the "crystal palace." However, the palace has a low occupancy rate of late, not that all or even most of those 8,100 job losses came at this campus. The job losses were spread throughout the country. List of Gannett newspapers.

While the building is impressive and was a nice place to work, this level of splurging doesn't take place at other Gannett properties. For instance, here's the office of the Gannett-owned Daily Times in Salisbury, Md., a modest-at-best place where I worked in 1980, before it was bought by Gannett. It apparently hasn't changed much and is typical of smaller newspaper buildings.

Gannett has always been known for running lean operations at their community newspapers. But so have other media companies. Thomson Newspapers owned The Daily Times when I worked there and paid and staffed very poorly, despite fat profits from lots of paid advertisements and decent circulation on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Of course, those were the days when newspapers had high-profit margins -- higher than most businesses. Not sure exactly where the profits went. Most folks in the newsroom made less than first-year school teachers. That hasn't improved much over the years.

The Gannett building in McLean might give the impression that journalists are rolling in cash. I can say with certainty that isn't true, which makes all the job losses in that industry even worse because many laid-off employees couldn't pad their savings accounts enough to weather this storm. Still, many journalists are hoping they can re-enter the field once the economy improves.

A good site for professional networking

For those who belong to LinkedIn.com, you know that there is a section on the home page that tells you how many people have looked at your profile. It changes every few days to reflect updated numbers, but reads like this:

"Your profile has been viewed by 11 people in the last 7 days. In the last 30 days, you have appeared in search results 11 times."

As a non-paying member, you aren't told exactly who has examined your profile. When you click through to the list, it will only show five or so various organizations or companies that these folks belong to, but won't name the exact people or show the complete, albeit vague, list of who took a peek at your stuff. So for instance, one of the people who might have viewed my profile will only be identified as "an editor at Gannett." Because there are hundreds of editors working at Gannett, that really doesn't tell me much. If the message says 15 people viewed my profile, it will still only list a handful of them and the organizations they are employed by or titles they hold. Still, it won't name them. Left to you to guess who the others might be associated with.

It's sometimes maddening because curiosity can get the best of you. Why is a "soccer coach in Brazil" or a "a health professional in Montana" looking at my profile? And who are these people? Long-lost roommates from college? Or might they have a job for me? Did they mistake me for another Mick Calvacca -- as if there are a lot of those in Loudoun County, Va. Most of the time you just don't know.

Still, LinkedIn is a good tool for networking professionals. It's better than most sites for job seekers looking to connect with folks in various industries. It will even suggest people you might want to have as a "connection" based on your profession and contacts you or they know. You can join different discussion groups, such as alumni associations, find former colleagues or connect with people who share similar occupational or educational interests. Despite the intentionally mysterious listing of who is checking you out, I would recommend this site to anyone who is seeking a job or is interested in keeping up with news from various companies or colleges. I would also suggest jumping into discussions now and then.

By the way, you can get a more complete list of the people who are looking at your profile by getting a paid membership. I haven't done that. I figure if someone wants to identify themselves and contact me, they know where to find me. My contact information, resume and references are on the site. I am very thankful to the nine former colleagues who posted their recommendations of me on LinkedIn. Having that capability is another nice feature. It allows potential employers to read what your former coworkers and ex-bosses have to say about you.

Post-layoff world at 50something

OK, we've all heard the horror stories about the current job market. The evening news gives us the statistics. The human aspects of the unemployment struggle are seen in the personal relationships we have with those who have fallen victim to layoffs. We know many of the reasons for the layoffs, few of which have anything to do with wrongdoing or shortcomings on behalf of those who have been let go. The financial strains are very real. The self-esteem issues that arise can be jarring. I intuitively knew all of this before last year. Yet nothing prepared me for what was to come in a post-layoff world.

Last December, in the blink of an eye, my job as an editor at USA TODAY came to an end. Relationships that evolved over 13 years were suddenly terminated after a few parting words and expressions of sorrow. Out of sight, out of mind quickly took on new meaning for me. The details of my layoff are not important for this entry. Needless to say, I have some issues about the circumstances behind my dismissal. Regardless, last December was a dark day. Not the worst day in my life, but in the top 5. Not only because I lost a job for the first time in my 29-year career, but because I was being rejected in a place where I showed the most loyalty of my career and sacrificed so much to do a difficult job. Even with all of my editorial skills and experience, there was no place for me in a rather massive media company. I thought, how can that be? I have design, editing, writing, photography and management experience. There is virtually nothing in a newsroom that I haven't done. I've covered the Super Bowl as a photo editor and was a beat reporter for the Miami Dolphins. I wrote about crime and politics as a reporter in southern Virginia and Maryland. I redesigned newspapers and led entire newsrooms at community dailies. In doing all of this, I also lost some balance in the rest of my life - a mistake I won't repeat when I find a new job. It's healthier to not live to work and studies show employees are more productive when they are able to disconnect from work on weekends and other times off.

At USA TODAY, I essentially was the lone print graphics department manager. Others had left or been driven out (their words, not mine) in the previous year or so and were not replaced. I couldn't understand how I could be deemed as expendable when in fact I could have been easily transferred to another department or another property within the parent-company, Gannett Corp. My layoff seemed hyper-personal. I had no issues with Gannett or USA TODAY per se. I liked working there. Had good reviews. I took pride in the brand and rarely missed a day of work. I often worked until 1 a.m. or later. Yet, this still happened.

Closure has been difficult to find. At age 52, I am in a gray area. Too young to retire and apparently a little too old in the eyes of some to be given a chance to start over. I stayed where I did, at the "nation's newspaper" because I thought I had job security -- an important thing to have in a terrible economy. Loyalty, good work ethics and competency use to yield job stability. But the rules have changed. What I am finding out now is that by my staying with USA TODAY as long as I did, at that stage in my life, I actually hurt myself. Sort of got pigeon-holed. One or two publishers of smaller newspapers have recently said they are reluctant to hire folks from bigger organizations. Said those who have worked at the larger papers are, for lack of a better word, spoiled. All I could think of was how untrue that was in my case. I never took anything for granted at USA TODAY and rarely took advantage of the many perks offered by the flagship employer. My ethics were formed at the smaller papers I worked at early in my career. I never felt spoiled in any way.

The biggest challenge that is on my plate is in selling myself to a potential employer at my age and in this horrible recession. Yes, the recession continues despite what some politicians want you to believe. What I have accomplished professionally in the past doesn't seem to matter. In one way or another, I have applied for about 300 jobs in nine months. There is rarely a day that goes by that I am not networking or online searching for jobs in and outside of the journalism field.

Finding work is often a lot harder than actually having a paid job. The rewards are almost non-existent. The ego is under siege on a daily basis because many employers don't bother responding to job inquiries, regardless of one's credentials. Being ignored can make a person feel small. And the isolation can be daunting. Day-to-day survival becomes more important than long-term planning. Staying healthy and living in the moment take on greater importance. Each day starts off with optimism and often ends in tiresome anxieties.

I think there are many wrong perceptions about being 50something that aren't good for our society as a whole or as individuals. Fifty is NOT the new 40 except for in the movies or on Madison Avenue. Fifty is simply 50. If I were a baseball manager, I'd be marketable at this age. But I am a journalist. An "average Joe" in a once honorable profession where I learned from my elders. Journalism has taken a hard turn towards the young, the flashy the trendy. It's probably no coincidence that mainstream media continues to slip on the public credibility polls. But the young also bring ideas to the table and reject old models that no longer work. I respect that.

Regardless of how up to date one is, or how many blogs they write, it's still a tough stereotype to beat when age equals inability to stay current in the minds of some. Age discrimination is alive and well in America. And if that isn't all enough of a barrier, the newspaper industry is hurting in epic proportions. I believe some of the pain is self-inflicted through mega companies obtaining ridiculous amounts of debt and compounding the problem by making poor decisions on getting rid of so much institutional knowledge and diluting print products so that they are less desirable to readers. But there is also no doubt that readership patterns are changing and that the business model for publishing needs to evolve. More and more folks are talking about newspapers needing to become non-profits, which I think has some merit. A free society without newspapers in some form will not stay free for long. If big business can't keep newspapers viable, maybe it's time to take an entirely new approach, one that isn't driven by ad revenue or online page views. Probably would help journalism return to more substantive reporting in certain venues.

Trying to convince employers in other industries that being a lifelong journalist has in many ways prepared me for a variety of vocations is another tough nut to crack. These non-media employers don't easily see how journalism prepares one to write, research, edit, speak intelligently on a variety of topics or to be an effective advocate. They don't understand how we are trained to deal with deadlines and to embrace technology, and how those skills would be an asset in almost any business. Journalists are hard-working folks. We work nights, weekends and holidays and rub elbows with every segment of society. But I remain hopeful that someone will eventually be able to connect the dots, see the tangibles as well as intangibles that I can offer. There are many of us out here in unemployment land who could be hired at bargain basement prices and would be profoundly grateful to be employed again.

I have to hope that the smartest employers will eventually tap into the wealth of experience that is available. There is no other choice. Hope, of course, is everything, particularly when you're 50something and looking for a job.