Thankfulness in gloomy times

I was preparing for the Thanksgiving holiday last year, going about my business while working at USA Today, and looking forward to a couple days off. It was announced a week earlier that there were going to be layoffs if not enough people volunteered for buyouts. We were under a similar threat the year before, but mostly older employees volunteered to leave in 2007 so no one had to be forced out. The buyouts in 2007 were more generous and there was no serious recession at that point. Some of the people who took the buyouts said they saw the writing on the wall and wanted to leave while they could. But 2008 had a different feel. Folks saw the economic firestorm that was coming in a business that was failing. So people were more cautious about volunteering to leave.

As I went into the holiday week last year, I was reasonably confident that I would not be laid off. My reasons seemed logical. First, I was there for 13 years and had performed well. Never received a reprimand, was a reliable and hard-working employee, etc. Always got my annual raises and so forth. I knew a lot of folks depended on me and that made me feel good.

Being that it was Thanksgiving, I was certainly feeling thankful I was in a relatively stable situation. Even with the buyouts and then layoffs, USA Today was not doing as badly as other newspapers. Gannett, the mega-company that owns USA Today, seemed well-positioned to navigate out of storm with its flagship newspaper in tact.

I worked in the graphics department but considered myself a complete journalist by trade, not just a visuals editor. Because other supervisors with a journalism backgrounds had left our department in recent years, I was the only manager remaining with diverse editing experience. In a department of about 60 folks, mainly photographers and artists, I figured my editing know-how, managerial seasoning and 16 years of journalistic background at other newspapers prior to USA Today made me a valued resource and would protect me from being laid off. Plus, I worked nights and was heavily involved with production of graphics on deadline. No one else wanted to work that shift, so in my mind I went into Thanksgiving thinking things would be fine.

About a week after Thanksgiving, I was laid off by the long-time managing editor of my department. It was disorienting to say the least. Only two people in my department lost their jobs. How and why I became one of them is still a mystery to me and many other folks. It seemed to defy all logic. The managing editor said little to me in the brief separation meeting. I try not to think about the possible politics or personal reasons that led to the decision, but it's not always easy to block out, especially as the job market worsens and various losses in my life pile up.

On a personal level, I was stunned by the lack of loyalty and empathy I felt as I was given the boot. My manager was someone I had broken bread with many times, had personal and professional conversations with. I was 51. He was about 10 years older than me. He had to know what being over 50 in a recession and coming from a dying business would mean for me. I thought, "why me and why not someone 25 years younger who had no particular attachment to USA Today or newspapering in general?" Why not someone who would have time to rebound when the job market improved? These were my prime earning years -- a gateway into retirement. Now I've shifted from thoughts of retirement to day-to-day survival mode. It's taken a toll on my spirit at times as I am sure millions of other laid off workers can relate to.

Layoffs can ruin lives as this unidentified protester's sign conveys, and I wonder if those making the decisions truly understand that. I don't believe layoffs are always just about business. I think it gets personal and petty at times. Far more people than me have been adversely impacted by my being laid off and by my extended period of unemployment. Trying to get back into a business which is struggling has been difficult. Trying to transition into another related field has been even more of a challenge as the unemployment rate worsens.

President Obama said yesterday that he "will not rest" until employers start hiring again. I sure hope that's true because as Thanksgiving approaches, it's getting real difficult for unemployed folks to feel thankful for much of anything other than perhaps their health and a few loved ones in their lives. Like for many people, unemployment is brand new to me. I worked 29 years without a break and turned down other jobs while at USA Today because I thought the national newspaper was a stable, somewhat-loyal employer. What I didn't see coming was that layoffs are not always driven by rationality or a sense of fairness. When GM stops making a certain truck model, a plant can close. It's not the fault of the workers, but at least they can understand the logic behind losing their jobs. No trucks, no plant, no jobs. I often wish I had that sort clarity.There is still a newspaper being produced 14 miles down the road from where I live. Still a lot of good people doing good work for a pretty vast audience. But it's getting hard living here, knowing I am no longer a part of that, and not quite grasping how I got to this point.

The quest this week is to try to find something to remain thankful for even in times where the future looks bleak. The challenge every day is to cling to some thread of hope that I can return to being a vibrant contributor to an employer that shares my values, ethics and workplace standards.

For millions of people like me, particularly those in their 50s and 60s who know that getting back into the workplace is extra difficult despite our experience and solid work ethics, these are some difficult weeks coming up. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's trigger many emotions. People take inventory at this time of year. Kind of assess where they are at in life. The holidays also coincide with when I was laid off, so there is that to contend with.

While 2009 was a time to try to make things work here by finding suitable employment in the D.C. area, 2010 might involve having to pack our bags. We are willing to go where the opportunities lie, but as of right now, I and many others are not sure where that is. Still, I am thankful things aren't worse and hope that by next Thanksgiving these struggles will be behind me and others who have been unemployed for the last year or longer.