Post-layoff world at 50something

OK, we've all heard the horror stories about the current job market. The evening news gives us the statistics. The human aspects of the unemployment struggle are seen in the personal relationships we have with those who have fallen victim to layoffs. We know many of the reasons for the layoffs, few of which have anything to do with wrongdoing or shortcomings on behalf of those who have been let go. The financial strains are very real. The self-esteem issues that arise can be jarring. I intuitively knew all of this before last year. Yet nothing prepared me for what was to come in a post-layoff world.

Last December, in the blink of an eye, my job as an editor at USA TODAY came to an end. Relationships that evolved over 13 years were suddenly terminated after a few parting words and expressions of sorrow. Out of sight, out of mind quickly took on new meaning for me. The details of my layoff are not important for this entry. Needless to say, I have some issues about the circumstances behind my dismissal. Regardless, last December was a dark day. Not the worst day in my life, but in the top 5. Not only because I lost a job for the first time in my 29-year career, but because I was being rejected in a place where I showed the most loyalty of my career and sacrificed so much to do a difficult job. Even with all of my editorial skills and experience, there was no place for me in a rather massive media company. I thought, how can that be? I have design, editing, writing, photography and management experience. There is virtually nothing in a newsroom that I haven't done. I've covered the Super Bowl as a photo editor and was a beat reporter for the Miami Dolphins. I wrote about crime and politics as a reporter in southern Virginia and Maryland. I redesigned newspapers and led entire newsrooms at community dailies. In doing all of this, I also lost some balance in the rest of my life - a mistake I won't repeat when I find a new job. It's healthier to not live to work and studies show employees are more productive when they are able to disconnect from work on weekends and other times off.

At USA TODAY, I essentially was the lone print graphics department manager. Others had left or been driven out (their words, not mine) in the previous year or so and were not replaced. I couldn't understand how I could be deemed as expendable when in fact I could have been easily transferred to another department or another property within the parent-company, Gannett Corp. My layoff seemed hyper-personal. I had no issues with Gannett or USA TODAY per se. I liked working there. Had good reviews. I took pride in the brand and rarely missed a day of work. I often worked until 1 a.m. or later. Yet, this still happened.

Closure has been difficult to find. At age 52, I am in a gray area. Too young to retire and apparently a little too old in the eyes of some to be given a chance to start over. I stayed where I did, at the "nation's newspaper" because I thought I had job security -- an important thing to have in a terrible economy. Loyalty, good work ethics and competency use to yield job stability. But the rules have changed. What I am finding out now is that by my staying with USA TODAY as long as I did, at that stage in my life, I actually hurt myself. Sort of got pigeon-holed. One or two publishers of smaller newspapers have recently said they are reluctant to hire folks from bigger organizations. Said those who have worked at the larger papers are, for lack of a better word, spoiled. All I could think of was how untrue that was in my case. I never took anything for granted at USA TODAY and rarely took advantage of the many perks offered by the flagship employer. My ethics were formed at the smaller papers I worked at early in my career. I never felt spoiled in any way.

The biggest challenge that is on my plate is in selling myself to a potential employer at my age and in this horrible recession. Yes, the recession continues despite what some politicians want you to believe. What I have accomplished professionally in the past doesn't seem to matter. In one way or another, I have applied for about 300 jobs in nine months. There is rarely a day that goes by that I am not networking or online searching for jobs in and outside of the journalism field.

Finding work is often a lot harder than actually having a paid job. The rewards are almost non-existent. The ego is under siege on a daily basis because many employers don't bother responding to job inquiries, regardless of one's credentials. Being ignored can make a person feel small. And the isolation can be daunting. Day-to-day survival becomes more important than long-term planning. Staying healthy and living in the moment take on greater importance. Each day starts off with optimism and often ends in tiresome anxieties.

I think there are many wrong perceptions about being 50something that aren't good for our society as a whole or as individuals. Fifty is NOT the new 40 except for in the movies or on Madison Avenue. Fifty is simply 50. If I were a baseball manager, I'd be marketable at this age. But I am a journalist. An "average Joe" in a once honorable profession where I learned from my elders. Journalism has taken a hard turn towards the young, the flashy the trendy. It's probably no coincidence that mainstream media continues to slip on the public credibility polls. But the young also bring ideas to the table and reject old models that no longer work. I respect that.

Regardless of how up to date one is, or how many blogs they write, it's still a tough stereotype to beat when age equals inability to stay current in the minds of some. Age discrimination is alive and well in America. And if that isn't all enough of a barrier, the newspaper industry is hurting in epic proportions. I believe some of the pain is self-inflicted through mega companies obtaining ridiculous amounts of debt and compounding the problem by making poor decisions on getting rid of so much institutional knowledge and diluting print products so that they are less desirable to readers. But there is also no doubt that readership patterns are changing and that the business model for publishing needs to evolve. More and more folks are talking about newspapers needing to become non-profits, which I think has some merit. A free society without newspapers in some form will not stay free for long. If big business can't keep newspapers viable, maybe it's time to take an entirely new approach, one that isn't driven by ad revenue or online page views. Probably would help journalism return to more substantive reporting in certain venues.

Trying to convince employers in other industries that being a lifelong journalist has in many ways prepared me for a variety of vocations is another tough nut to crack. These non-media employers don't easily see how journalism prepares one to write, research, edit, speak intelligently on a variety of topics or to be an effective advocate. They don't understand how we are trained to deal with deadlines and to embrace technology, and how those skills would be an asset in almost any business. Journalists are hard-working folks. We work nights, weekends and holidays and rub elbows with every segment of society. But I remain hopeful that someone will eventually be able to connect the dots, see the tangibles as well as intangibles that I can offer. There are many of us out here in unemployment land who could be hired at bargain basement prices and would be profoundly grateful to be employed again.

I have to hope that the smartest employers will eventually tap into the wealth of experience that is available. There is no other choice. Hope, of course, is everything, particularly when you're 50something and looking for a job.